drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
