Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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