I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
