I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
