How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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