I heard we made out
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
