She's JV to your varsity
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The ass gains better be worth it
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