who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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