But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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