I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm too high and old for this...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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