i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
