I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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