Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
