Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
