Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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