At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
