fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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