She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Text me some of your sweat
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
