dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
