So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
