please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She announced her abortion via fbk
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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