Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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