Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
