don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
