So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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