Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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