3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Found the puke drawer
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize