I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
