i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
