I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
