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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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