ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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