Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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