Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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