from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
