dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
