I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
