When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
