just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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