when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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