So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Houston, we have a blender
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize