Got a toothbrush?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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