atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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