Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My pussy is not your playground.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
