Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
