Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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