White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
