I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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