Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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