Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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