Umm I'm too high to move.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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