yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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