census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
