my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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