my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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