Are we in a gay sports bar?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
