you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
