Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
