It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
