Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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