Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How external is "for external use only"?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
