A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
