I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
