I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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