I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize