Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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