one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
