i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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