we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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