well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
