i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
